It's like you choose to ignore me when i'm at my worst
because it's 2:19am
and i'm still waiting for your reply
i realize i'm wasting my time
because you haven't replied for hours
and i know you saw the message when i sent it at 6pm
and it shows in your eyes
that you'd rather talk to someone else
that's not me
and i'm left wondering
why you didn't think i was worth responding to
but then i remembered
you never cared
and you
never
will
Look Alive, Sunshine
Thursday 8 August 2013
Tuesday 23 July 2013
How to tell if somebody loves you
"Somebody
loves you if they pick an eyelash off of your face or wet a napkin and apply it
to your dirty skin. You didn’t ask for these things, but this person went ahead
and did it anyway. They don’t want to see you looking like a fool with
eyelashes and crumbs on your face. They notice these things. They really look
at you and are the first to notice if something is amiss with your beautiful
visage!
Somebody
loves you if they assume the role of caretaker when you’re sick. Unsure if
someone really gives a shit about you? Fake a case of food poisoning and text
them being like, “oh my god, so sick. need water.” Depending on their response,
you’ll know whether or not they REALLY love you. “That’s terrible. Feel
better!” earns you a stay in friendship jail; “Do you need anything? I can come
over and bring you get well remedies!” gets you a cozy friendship suite. It’s
easy to care about someone when they don’t need you. It’s easy to love them
when they’re healthy and don’t ask you for anything beyond change for the
parking meter. Being sick is different. Being sick means asking someone to hold
your hair back when you vomit. Either love me with vomit in my hair or don’t
love me at all.
Somebody
loves you if they call you out on your bullshit. They’re not passive, they
don’t just let you get away with murder. They know you well enough and care
about you enough to ask you to chill out, to tell you to
stop. They aren’t passive observers in your life, they are in the trenches.
They have an opinion about your decisions and the things you say and do. They
want to be a part of it; they want to be a part of you.
Somebody
loves you if they don’t mind the quiet. They don’t mind running errands with
you or cleaning your apartment while blasting some annoying music. There’s no
pressure, no need to fill the silences. You know how with some of your friends
there needs to be some sort of activity for you to hang out? You don’t feel
comfortable just watching bad reality TV with them. You
need something that will keep the both of you busy to ensure there won’t be a
void. That’s not love. That’s “hey babe! i like you okay. do you wanna grab
lunch? i think we have enough to talk about to fill two hours!" It’s a
damn dream when you find someone you can do nothing with. Whether you’re
skydiving together or sitting at home and doing different things, it’s always
comfortable. That is fucking love.
Somebody
loves you if they want you to be happy, even if that involves something that
doesn’t benefit them. They realize the things you need to do in order to be
content and come to terms with the fact that it might not include them. Never
underestimate the gift of understanding. When there are so many people who are
selfish and equate relationships as something that only must make them happy,
having someone around who can take their needs out of any given situation if
they need to.
Somebody
loves you if they can order you food without having to be told what you want.
Somebody loves you if they rub your back at any given moment.Somebody loves
you if they don’t care about your job or how much money you make. It’s a
relationship where no one is selling something to the other. No one is the
prostitute. Somebody loves you if they’ll watch a movie starring Kate Hudson
because you really really want to see it. Somebody loves you if they’re able to
create their own separate world with you, away from the internet and your job
and family and friends. Just you and them.
Somebody
will always love you. If you don’t think this is true, then you’re not paying
close enough attention."
Friday 19 July 2013
RIP Stefan
The past few days have been terrible for many people, mainly for my friends and the days to come will be just as bad. It’s living a nightmare that everyone is struggling to come to terms with. Words cannot describe how sad i find it that a person would reach such a low stage in their life that they decide suicide is the only option. The air is just too heavy for some, it drags them down until they can't breathe anymore and existing is exhausting, so they choose their way out.
He was an extremely loved man and musician and I could only wish that I am as loved as he was. He managed to make me smile at times I didn’t believe it was possible to smile and he was a very fun person. I never heard a bad thing said about him. I hope he is at rest and that one day I meet him again and see once more what an amazing person he was.
RIP Stefan, you are missed.
Sunday 26 May 2013
Not even all the worlds oceans could fill her empty heart
I used to walk in the rain
to ease this pain
Now i cry
but the pain doesn't seem to subside
The sun stopped shining for me
and now my smile is far from me
Looking out the window
i find myself lost in deep thoughts
searching for something
but i don't know what
Everytime i look at the night sky
the stars are missing
the darkness has swallowed this world completely
All i feel is emptiness and it consumes everything
yet leaves confusion
so i grasp onto nothing
and i float in the darkness
comforting myself by saying
tears are not liquid of cowardice
to ease this pain
Now i cry
but the pain doesn't seem to subside
The sun stopped shining for me
and now my smile is far from me
Looking out the window
i find myself lost in deep thoughts
searching for something
but i don't know what
Everytime i look at the night sky
the stars are missing
the darkness has swallowed this world completely
All i feel is emptiness and it consumes everything
yet leaves confusion
so i grasp onto nothing
and i float in the darkness
comforting myself by saying
tears are not liquid of cowardice
Get me out of this world now
Because when I wake up in the morning
I don't feel good,
I feel misunderstood
I look at the world and I feel sad
while everyone else simply thinks "too bad.."
Because it kills me to tell my little cousin
that heroes don't really exist
everyone is out to save themselves
Because it kills me to see myself
turn into this being i swore i'd never be
in an uncoordinated world
where happiness no longer exists
Because we live in a world where
"everybody gets depressed, it's totally normal"
and you don't hear your friends cries
when they need you the most because
you're too busy drowning in your own failures
Because I have no freedom
someone is watching my every move
i'd kill to get away
Because when I take a step back
and look at my life
all i see is a mess
all i see is me falling apart
and drifting away
Because when I was looking for happiness
all i found was people bleed
Because homework is stressful
exams are stressful
And when you go home and your home is work
you don't want to study any more
Because school is supposed to help
but instead the pressure put on students
is the reason they're collapsing
it's the reason they're drowning
Because the need for degrees
has left everyone frozen
Because I'm told every single day
that life only gets worse
Because when i open my hands to catch
I end up with blisters and bruises
Because the truth is hard to swallow
but my story is already written
Because the tears never stop
Because I'm losing my mind
I don't feel good,
I feel misunderstood
I look at the world and I feel sad
while everyone else simply thinks "too bad.."
Because it kills me to tell my little cousin
that heroes don't really exist
everyone is out to save themselves
Because it kills me to see myself
turn into this being i swore i'd never be
in an uncoordinated world
where happiness no longer exists
Because we live in a world where
"everybody gets depressed, it's totally normal"
and you don't hear your friends cries
when they need you the most because
you're too busy drowning in your own failures
Because I have no freedom
someone is watching my every move
i'd kill to get away
Because when I take a step back
and look at my life
all i see is a mess
all i see is me falling apart
and drifting away
Because when I was looking for happiness
all i found was people bleed
Because homework is stressful
exams are stressful
And when you go home and your home is work
you don't want to study any more
Because school is supposed to help
but instead the pressure put on students
is the reason they're collapsing
it's the reason they're drowning
Because the need for degrees
has left everyone frozen
Because I'm told every single day
that life only gets worse
Because when i open my hands to catch
I end up with blisters and bruises
Because the truth is hard to swallow
but my story is already written
Because the tears never stop
Because I'm losing my mind
"The world is full of kings and queens who blind your eyes and steal your dreams"
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