Thursday, 8 August 2013

He's the kind of cold that isn't measured by temperature

It's like you choose to ignore me when i'm at my worst
because it's 2:19am
and i'm still waiting for your reply
i realize i'm wasting my time
because you haven't replied for hours
and i know you saw the message when i sent it at 6pm
and it shows in your eyes
that you'd rather talk to someone else
that's not me
and i'm left wondering
why you didn't think i was worth responding to
but then i remembered
you never cared
and you

Tuesday, 23 July 2013

How to tell if somebody loves you

"Somebody loves you if they pick an eyelash off of your face or wet a napkin and apply it to your dirty skin. You didn’t ask for these things, but this person went ahead and did it anyway. They don’t want to see you looking like a fool with eyelashes and crumbs on your face. They notice these things. They really look at you and are the first to notice if something is amiss with your beautiful visage!
Somebody loves you if they assume the role of caretaker when you’re sick. Unsure if someone really gives a shit about you? Fake a case of food poisoning and text them being like, “oh my god, so sick. need water.” Depending on their response, you’ll know whether or not they REALLY love you. “That’s terrible. Feel better!” earns you a stay in friendship jail; “Do you need anything? I can come over and bring you get well remedies!” gets you a cozy friendship suite. It’s easy to care about someone when they don’t need you. It’s easy to love them when they’re healthy and don’t ask you for anything beyond change for the parking meter. Being sick is different. Being sick means asking someone to hold your hair back when you vomit. Either love me with vomit in my hair or don’t love me at all.
Somebody loves you if they call you out on your bullshit. They’re not passive, they don’t just let you get away with murder. They know you well enough and care about you enough to ask you to chill out, to tell you to stop. They aren’t passive observers in your life, they are in the trenches. They have an opinion about your decisions and the things you say and do. They want to be a part of it; they want to be a part of you.
Somebody loves you if they don’t mind the quiet. They don’t mind running errands with you or cleaning your apartment while blasting some annoying music. There’s no pressure, no need to fill the silences. You know how with some of your friends there needs to be some sort of activity for you to hang out? You don’t feel comfortable just watching bad reality TV with them. You need something that will keep the both of you busy to ensure there won’t be a void. That’s not love. That’s “hey babe! i like you okay. do you wanna grab lunch? i think we have enough to talk about to fill two hours!" It’s a damn dream when you find someone you can do nothing with. Whether you’re skydiving together or sitting at home and doing different things, it’s always comfortable. That is fucking love.
Somebody loves you if they want you to be happy, even if that involves something that doesn’t benefit them. They realize the things you need to do in order to be content and come to terms with the fact that it might not include them. Never underestimate the gift of understanding. When there are so many people who are selfish and equate relationships as something that only must make them happy, having someone around who can take their needs out of any given situation if they need to.
Somebody loves you if they can order you food without having to be told what you want. Somebody loves you if they rub your back at any given moment.Somebody loves you if they don’t care about your job or how much money you make. It’s a relationship where no one is selling something to the other. No one is the prostitute. Somebody loves you if they’ll watch a movie starring Kate Hudson because you really really want to see it. Somebody loves you if they’re able to create their own separate world with you, away from the internet and your job and family and friends. Just you and them.
Somebody will always love you. If you don’t think this is true, then you’re not paying close enough attention."

Friday, 19 July 2013

RIP Stefan

The past few days have been terrible for many people, mainly for my friends and the days to come will be just as bad. It’s living a nightmare that everyone is struggling to come to terms with. Words cannot describe how sad i find it that a person would reach such a low stage in their life that they decide suicide is the only option. The air is just too heavy for some, it drags them down until they can't breathe anymore and existing is exhausting, so they choose their way out.
He was an extremely loved man and musician and I could only wish that I am as loved as he was. He managed to make me smile at times I didn’t believe it was possible to smile and he was a very fun person. I never heard a bad thing said about him. I hope he is at rest and that one day I meet him again and see once more what an amazing person he was.
RIP Stefan, you are missed.
And I would’ve stayed up with you all night had I known how to save a life"

Sunday, 26 May 2013

Not even all the worlds oceans could fill her empty heart

I used to walk in the rain
to ease this pain
Now i cry
but the pain doesn't seem to subside

The sun stopped shining for me
and now my smile is far from me

Looking out the window
i find myself lost in deep thoughts
searching for something
but i don't know what

Everytime i look at the night sky
the stars are missing
the darkness has swallowed this world completely

All i feel is emptiness and it consumes everything
yet leaves confusion
so i grasp onto nothing
and i float in the darkness
comforting myself by saying
tears are not liquid of cowardice

Get me out of this world now

Because when I wake up in the morning
I don't feel good,
I feel misunderstood
I look at the world and I feel sad
while everyone else simply thinks "too bad.."

Because it kills me to tell my little cousin
that heroes don't really exist
everyone is out to save themselves

Because it kills me to see myself
turn into this being i swore i'd never be
in an uncoordinated world
where happiness no longer exists

Because we live in a world where
"everybody gets depressed, it's totally normal"
and you don't hear your friends cries
when they need you the most because
you're too busy drowning in your own failures

Because I have no freedom
someone is watching my every move
i'd kill to get away

Because when I take a step back
and look at my life
all i see is a mess
all i see is me falling apart
and drifting away

Because when I was looking for happiness
all i found was people bleed

Because homework is stressful
exams are stressful
And when you go home and your home is work
you don't want to study any more

Because school is supposed to help
but instead the pressure put on students
is the reason they're collapsing
it's the reason they're drowning

Because the need for degrees
has left everyone frozen

Because I'm told every single day
that life only gets worse

Because when i open my hands to catch
I end up with blisters and bruises

Because the truth is hard to swallow
but my story is already written

Because the tears never stop

Because I'm losing my mind

"The world is full of kings and queens who blind your eyes and steal your dreams"